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In the Dark of the Night, I Remember Life.

I’ve never written a blog about this(breathing) before. I’ve filled countless pages in my journal entries. I have poured my thoughts onto those  pages no one would ever see. Always wrestling with words in the quiet of my own room. But tonight, tonight I put it out to the world. It's 1 a.m., and I’m here in bed, awake, and typing. Simply because I don’t know what else to do. I’m gasping for breath. Each single complete breathing is painful and strained than the previous. My chest is getting tighter. It's not cooperating as it was created to cooperate. I have been/still am desperately trying to force myself to sleep for the last two hours, hoping that drifting off to the slumber land would let my body forget this struggle, and remind my lungs how to properly function. Succeess? Little to no success. Sleep has abandoned me. I try to catch it, but the more closer I get, the far it drifts away from me. Eloi! I have opened my window. The air outside is cold, but what othe...
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(16:33pm): A Dream Story.

TODAY(Written on August 30th, 2025, a sabbath evening), somewhere between exhaustion and the sweetness of evening sleep, dream stories happen. I am trying to think on who really does the stitching of some stories. Of dream stories. I can't quite tell but how I wish it was heaven doing the stitching or the artist HIMSELF(GOD). Not for all stories, but for stories like the one I am about to throw here.  It was around 4 p.m. today when I drifted into one of those deep day-sleeps. I remember lying on my bed, my phone just an arm’s reach away, its soft black screen reflecting a faint silhouette of me(just super plainly). The curtain was swaying lazily in the evening wind. My desk was still crowded with reminders of schoolwork. Papers and books scattered, a pen lying diagonally across an unfinished page of Neuroscience notes, and my bag leaning tiredly against my desk. I could hear it say, "What a heavy week I have ever endured." My whole body was weary after a week...

Marriage: Yay or Nay?

August 2, 2025. So one day I will be married? Me? Me? Like me? The one who makes 10+ minutes voice notes debating on real soulmates and "marriage is a scam?" So one day I will be married? This thoughts hits me differently on different days. Sometimes it brings an exciting feeling that I can't totally resist. Other days I ask why in the world would I leave my grandma's home and commit to someone's son. So one day I will be married? Is this the version of me that will walk down the aisle? The one who overthinks the tone and mood in texts? The one who overuses emojis?🀭 The thought that one day, someone's son might wake up next to me, smell my breath, look at me while I am sleeping scares me. It's wild.  Weddings don't scare me. It's the "till death do us part." The part where we will say through it all, through it all. That we can fight and pray together again. The for better for worse? Tough stuff but they call that love? Marri...

What's Yellow Than a Mango?πŸ₯­πŸ’›πŸ€”

I woke up so early today but didn't get up from the comfort of my bed. 45 minutes later, the sound of my alarm goes(I hate it). This is that moment when you are trying to reconsider all your dreams include those that don't allow you to keep the ones that you love. That odd moment when your body is still so weak and not ready for the day. Not at all. It's still dark. It's still cold. At around 4:58 a.m- ish, I roll out of my bed. Slowly. I reach out to the socket on the other part of the room to illuminate my room.  I didn't have the luxury of time today.  First task? Normal routine and then MY hair. Natural hair. It takes time. The shrinkage is always crazy. (If you have natural 4C hair you clearly know this feeling. You can't rush 'her'. She will break. She will fall. She will mess things around. You have to show up with water, leave in conditioner, and a pinch of patience or much much patience that you can't fully afford sometimes. I d...

YOU and ME, and the Grace to Smile Again, and Again.😊😊

I have held on to many things. People. Seasons. Plans. Money. Dreams. Past...... But I have learnt much along the way.  I can lose people. For I have lost friends I absolutely thought were going to be a greater part of me. More so in futurity aspect.  I can lose money. I have in the past but still survived. I can lose weight. I have in a great deal and kinda worked around it or accepted it. I can lose confidence. There are some great life instances that have made me doubt my confidence and abilities. I have even lost my faith and found it again. But one thing I have never wanted to lose... The only thing I feel is mine and mine to keep...The one I have feared to lose more than any plan, person, or dream... MY SMILE. Not the fake smile I give in awkward conversations to seem nice.  Not the super polished grin people see on my sabbath pictures with the, " Thus may all ours Sabbaths be." Not the one in selfies or even photos. Not the one in a conversation where t...

Because Some BirthdaysπŸŽ‚ Deserve a Blog.

Shisia.  She's not your ordinary birthday girl. Not my ordinary. She's not the kind of person you just text, "HBD. TML. Or Happy Belated (for those who are always lateπŸ˜„)." NO. Not at all.  Shisia. She deserves a five, ten, fifteeen....pages of handwritten notes, letters.. whatever you might decide to call it. Fifteen pages just to say the least. And then have it delivered by a DOVE. Huh! πŸ•Š have a history of being good messengers. Remember the times of Noah? During the floods?   Genesis 8:11 (KJV)  And the dove came in to him in the evening; and, lo, in her mouth was an olive leaf pluckt off: so Noah knew that the waters were abated from off the earth. And so I will trust it.  Shisia deserves a poem. Written from the heart. But for today, I will do something sweeter...... a birthday blog sprinkled with love, much Swahili, and some French like pas de soucis (Co pied from her about. No worries πŸ˜ƒ). I know there's a language that will directly re...