YOU and ME, and the Grace to Smile Again, and Again.😊😊

I have held on to many things. People. Seasons. Plans. Money. Dreams. Past......

But I have learnt much along the way. 

I can lose people. For I have lost friends I absolutely thought were going to be a greater part of me. More so in futurity aspect.

 I can lose money. I have in the past but still survived.

I can lose weight. I have in a great deal and kinda worked around it or accepted it.

I can lose confidence. There are some great life instances that have made me doubt my confidence and abilities.

I have even lost my faith and found it again.

But one thing I have never wanted to lose... The only thing I feel is mine and mine to keep...The one I have feared to lose more than any plan, person, or dream...

MY SMILE.

Not the fake smile I give in awkward conversations to seem nice. 

Not the super polished grin people see on my sabbath pictures with the, "Thus may all ours Sabbaths be."

Not the one in selfies or even photos.

Not the one in a conversation where the person keeps interrupting me and I smile just to get through it.

It's the one that deeply lives in me. Very rent-free and I'm okay with that.

There are moments that have given me back my smile and I will mention just a few (Might be similar to yours or even different. But all in all, things that make us smile). 

- The smile that sneaks up when I smell mashed potatoes. 

-When I see a notification from a loved one. Can be my grandmother, family, friends, or a personal person. 

- The smell of chapati or just the sight of it on a hard day. It's interesting how God can make us happy even through oil and flour.

- Reading Bible verses and feeling a strong need to repeat them over and over again. Because of the way they speak to me and in a timely manner.

-Holding someone's hand in prayers and feeling their hands tremble. 

-Walking barefoot in grass. Makes me imagine a lot about Eden. The first HOME.

-When someone addresses me by my surname and doesn't mispronounce it.

-When I sing a song and understand it without having to reference on a book or phone.

- When my aunt stirs me porridge exactly the way I love it to be (with lemon, just enough sugar, not too thick or too watery, served in my favorite cup). I grin a lot.

- When I see my family and friends on video calls even on the tiresome days. With words that go unuttered. That, "We are together through it all. Even when the body is weak. When we are weary and all we need is rest. We have some 12 minutes for you."

- When I get to hold children in church and they sleep gracefully and safely as I tap them gently. 

- When I sing in the kitchen and accidentally the microwave whistle harmonizes with me.

- When someone says, "For you I am praying." This line has been greater and sweeter than any other poem I have heard.

- When I wear my white dresses and they don't stain.

- When people engage in conversations with me in the languages I hold so dear to my heart. 

- When worship music grips me. More especially when singing songs that speak of heaven. I smile. Sometimes tears stream.

- The thought that one day, heaven will finally be home. No confusion. No death. No parting sore. No sickness. No heartbreak. No silence. No trying to read between the lines. No read at 7:39 pm, no reply. Just Jesus. Just God. Just angels. Just the redeemed. Pure bliss. 

There are instances I have lost "The Smile" temporarily. Some with a short lasting effect and some with a long lasting effect.

 

When:

- I poured my whole heart on a text and got an "ok" in reply. I felt stupid. Wasted. My smile shrieked and shriveled. Nothing beats this feeling. Worse that a rejection I can say.

- When I posted something on Whatsapp that was very serious and dear to me and people responded jokingly except for one friend.

It wasn’t just a random or casual thought. It wasn’t something I pulled from the internet to look “deep” or funny. It was something I cherished. I thought it might reach people. I thought maybe a few would pause, reflect, feel what I was feeling or hear what I exactly wanted to communicate. I hoped it would touch someone. I honestly hoped so.

But it didn’t. Not in the way I imagined.

Only one person got it.

Just one.

A gentle friend of mine. She responded thoughtfully. I could tell she had actually read it. Like she really understood that it wasn’t just a post. It was something I had opened up from my soul and offered out into the world. In that moment, her response made me smile. The kind of smile that tries to be okay even when you're hoping for MORE. A half-smile full of hidden ache but with some sense of gratitude for that one young lady.

I didn’t think much of it at the time. But looking back now, I see it more clearly: She is always responding. Always reading. Always reacting. Sensibly.

Now, whenever I post something, especially something vulnerable, I don’t even think about the crowd. I don’t wonder how many will view, how many will like, how many will respond or who will stay quiet. I just want *HER* to see it. I post for her eyes, for her heart, for that little moment when I know she'll smile or think once she sees a status update. And sometimes message back.

It’s the sweetest thing. Having that one person who genuinely reads between your lines. Who never scrolls past what you whisper into the world.

She may not know it, but she's become the reason I still share. Her quiet faithfulness gives my voice permission to keep speaking. I don’t post to go viral. No. I don’t post to impress. I post because I know she'll be there. That she will read with love in her eyes. 

And sometimes, that’s all it takes.

Just one person.

It’s crazy how one soul can become a reason. A motivation. Isn't it?

So live long, sweet soul. Live long, young lady. 

And for that, I’ll keep posting. Even if just for you.😊 

- When I led in church and afterward someone commented on my dress. Not the message. Not the spirit. Just the appearance. It made me feel… insufficient. Like I had missed the mark.

- When I am too tired to pray but have the energy for other mortal things.😔😟 

But GOD.....

He's the reason I still keep this smile. Not because life has or is easy. It's not. Not at all. But because HE's never left. He has always been present. Bidding me to draw near and smile one more time.

There's this chacater I imagine sometimes. Her name is Neema. I imagine her barefooted. Barefoot because she's standing on a bare ground. She says things. She visits me in dreams. Sometimes in daydreams. And sometimes when my body is weak and my soul is weary. When I need to be reminded. She always looks me in the eyes and says, "Don't let the world steal this your smile. Jesus wept and still healed and raised the dead and maybe smiled amidst all storms."

HEAVEN makes me smile the most.

The idea of it.

The thought of it. 

That one day I will be fully there. I will be fully known. 

That all the questions I have had that have eaten me like cancer will meet answers. 

That the broken pieces I have will be stitched together. Together never to be broken again.

That maybe the people I loved and lost will be waiting for me in white robes 

That I will get to see God face to face. 

God who see every single time I smile even when deep down every thing is sinking. When all I am experiencing is immense pain and hurt but grin anyways. 

And He will say, "Well done."

And maybe I will meet the version of myself who smiled even when she was not okay because she trusted in the ONLY ONE  who holds all things together. ✨️ 

So, if you ever see me smiling, know that it's not some kind of performance. 

It's the sound of heaven echoing through the cracks of my earthly life. 

I have feared losing it.😨 

But even when I forget to wear it, God has always found a way to return it to me. Literally the truest thing I have worn. 

So maybe today, you have your smile or your smile is far gone. 

All I can say to you, "YOU CAN SMILE AGAIN." A real smile. A deep smile. A holy smile. 

This is what I hope you sincerely carry:

-May you smile like you believe God is in control and He's still writing ✍️ your story.

- May your smile never be a performance. Just smile as you are. Real smile. An honest smile. You don't have to fake it. The say "the truth sets one free." I say, an honest smile sets you free. It's totally okay if your smile fades off sometimes. That's human. Being human.

- May you smile even when you are by yourself. When no one is watching.

- May you be reminded that heaven notices even the faintest curve of your lips.

And when you can't smile, may you know that Jesus is HOLDING IT ALL FOR YOU NO MATTER WHAT.

I know for a fact this world will give you numerous reasons to frown. To be sad. To be ungrateful........😪 

But heaven whispers to us: 

Psalms 30:5 (KJV) For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

 Even if today might feel so heavy. Even if your nights might seem so long and dark, your morning will come.

And when it does, you will get your smile back again. Brighter than never before.🌞 Not a fake one but a genuine one. The one that you get from the hands of God who never stops smiling at YOU and ME. Who gives all reasons to smile once more even when all other ground is sinking sand.

And when you have found it(SMILE):

- Treasure it as a gift. So precious.❤️ 

-Share it with others.

-Protect it from outside noise, from comparisons....

-Use it to uplift others. Can be from something as simple as a good morning greeting or just a kind genuine word to other greater things like praying for one another.

- Let it touch souls that words can't. 

May your smile, be light to others. May it be welcoming. 

A silent ministry on its own.

"Smile, though your heart is aching

Smile, even though it's breaking

When there are clouds in the sky, you'll get by

If you smile through your fear and sorrow

Smile, and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through for you

Light up your face with gladness

Hide every trace of sadness

Although a tear may be ever so near

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile

That's the time you must keep on trying

Smile, what's the use of crying?

You'll find that life is still worthwhile

If you just smile."

(Song by Nat King Cole "Smile")

Wear your SMILE like a song.

Because truly, IT IS!! 

Smiling even here, 

Mwango.😊