DO THOUGHTS REALLY ACTUALIZE? DO DREAMS COME TRUE? TELL ME.

"Remember Adrian? How our first of the most first conversation started? When you said you play guitar and saxophone? And I said I'm a guitar enthusiast with a plus of balancing vocals and producing some sounds? Remember? When I tuned the first few lines of one of my favorite hymn, "There's a Place of Quiet Rest, Near to the Heart of God," and without hesitation, you joyfully uttered that I sounded like a "well trained musician?" I knew then. That it was a match made in heaven. Or so I thought.(I could be wrong. I have been wrong in reading cues. I have misread signals. I have been wrong in many things and aspects of life.😄)

Adrian let me order first. I ordered hibiscus tea, strawberry and banana smoothie, and a vegetarian dish with tofu and a side of mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. He said, "Can I have the same?" And the waitress with a very broad smile said, "Of course." Everything was pure joy. As we waited for the meal to be ready, we exchanged more info. More of "get to know one another moreeee." We discussed about my medical school aspirations. I recall everything like it was yesterday. His keennness? Super elegant. We were effortlessly connecting. I could see he wanted to get everything clearly. Leave alone not wanting to miss a point. 

And Adrian told me about his residency and his fellowship plans. How medical school was and some personal stuff of course. He told me about his medical school experience at Harvard Medical School. His volunteering, rotations, shadowing, clinical work, research, mentoring, excetera. He had done so much in a small duration. I liked every bit of his achievements and joyously celebrated him. I concluded that he must have been so intelligent and passionate. Even in the way he formed his words. How he talked about medicine and the hospital setting. Adrian explained the most complex concepts in the simplest way possible. (I believe even a child or any person who had never been to any biology, physics, medical class could have understood). Oftenly, he used hard medical terms and couldn't miss my facial expressions when a word seemed unfamiliar to me. I knew I had won a lottery. With him, I smiled and laughed too easily and too often. Everything felt so natural. I felt more sane. His masculinity made be feel so safe and open. (Not toxic masculinity at all. Healthy masculity has a soft soft space in my heart. It has always had).

Adrian was American. Born and raised in Boston, Massachusetts. He discussed with me about some African stuff he had learnt through the time. He told me the facts he had drawn from watching news, reading books, and even heard from friends since he had never been to Africa. Let alone Kenya. (He had invested his time in digging in to get facts so that he could connect with me at deeper levels. Brilliant? Absolutely!) Of course there were some stereotypes. I loved how he approached everything with an open mind, desire to learn, and not easily jumping into conclusions. Best of it all, he asked for clarification when he wasn't sure. He did the listening while I did the talking as a first hand source. These were the moments I let my light shine.😄 His confidence, I couldn't help but admire it. His believe in himself made it so easy for me to believe in him too. I found that as amazingly beautiful. I loved it. I had met confident people before, in different settings,  but his? His was unique in its own uniquely, unique way. It's rare, you know? To find someone who holds much grace, warmth, confidence, gentle masculinity(10.26.25- overly gentle masculinity scares me nowadays having experienced one lately. I am like, mahnnn, how can one be all that. I am genuinely scared but will hopefully learn to accommodate and appreciate that, indeed gentle masculity does exist. Live long S.R!😊), and calmness. All in one heartbeat. I wondered, and I smiled. 

When we finished our dinner date he asked for my address so he could drop me home. I wasn't sure whether it was the right thing to do. They say when the deal is too good, think twice. I didn't think at that moment.😄 (It can get worse, you know. He could easily kidnap me. He had done everything. He had won my trust.) And so, without any hesitation, I said, "......."  He walked me to the car, opened the door to the front seat (the co-pilot seat), and turned to me with a soft grin, "Hop in, QUEEN. This seat is always yours and meant JUST FOR YOU." I smiled as a little girl in a fairly movie, or fairy tale. It was at that very moment when I became aware of how small things can bring so much joy. (At the end of the day, it's the small things that matter really. And maybe make life worthy lovingly lovable). 

In his car rested a YAMAHA guitar, immediately I set my hands on it, I was like, "That's a beautiful instrument. Elegantly fabulous. Not so easy to play though." Almost immediately after I finished my last word, I saw his fingers sweeping on the six strings. Fantastically. Phenomenally beautiful. One of the sweetest sound I have ever known could be heard a second later in the car. There was love warmth in the air and I was so happy to have a breath of it. It was much that it could have suffocated me.😄 But it was his hum? The rich deep base tone. For a second I felt he was composing a soundtrack of my softest thoughts. I bowed my head and mumbled a word of prayer, to thank God for this marvelous quadruple, tenfold, and countless blessings. "Can I teach you?" He asked when he looked at me. You know what I responded. You should know. "Yes yes, king." 

On our way home, his non-verval communication spoke volumes. I could hear from them, "It's so nice that you're here. I know you might not be feeling safe or rather comfortable in entirety, but I won't hurt you. You can trust me. I give you my word." Every time he stared at me, his eyes shouted, "I see something solid coming out of this. I know God's will will be done." There were moments of silence with the soft music in the background and I enjoyed that too. The "Side by Side We Stand" instrumental playing. I think it was combo of a guitar, piano, and violin. I could be wrong. 

When I got to my destination, Adrian gave me one of the best hugs I have ever received. I was glad he had not rushed things out. I felt so secure in his arms. His gentle bones held me gently not ready to let me go. It was about 3 minutes but it felt like I had been there for hours. Days. Years. It seemed like a forever. I breathed the scent of his cologne. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. I was crying. Real tears. I wept. How could I win such a humongous lottery all for myself? Adrian was such a catch and I will highly recommend him.

It was exactly 7:45 pm. We were at my destination. Before I stepped out of the car, he reached my hands gently, bowed his head and whispered a prayer- very soft and sincere.(It's so sweet how some people can have so much grace). I knew that came directly from his heart. We hadn't delved much into the spiritual part of our lives that day; time had flown with laughter, smiles, shared glances, and stories.With his voice lowered in reverence and his words anchored in faith, I knew he was a man of GOD. Staunch. Firmly rooted. The kind who never just never professed HIM but also walked and lived with and in HIM. He thanked the LORD for the evening, for the few hours we spent together, the joy and laughter, the journey mercies, literally everything. He then leaned to me and said, "Let's now prayer together. This time for a next proper first date." From his words I knew he believed in "beginnings" and "next times." I knew this was really sacred and I had to pray about it long after we were parted. 

I walked away smiling. In my mind I kept imagining what our first proper date will be like. Because our first meeting was nothing short of incredible. I kept on whispering a short prayer of my own, "LORD, if it's your will, let it flourish. Let it blossom. Above all, let it be done." Anything for Adrian really. 

And then, 

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! He sped off. He was gone.

My alarm went off. 

I had to wake up for morning prayers and get ready for work.😢😭 

Hahaaaaaaaaaa!!

IT. WAS. A. DREAM. JUST. A. DREAM.😢 

Just a dream. Can you imagine? My heart had gone all in. Fully. And some reality chipped in. "Wakey, wakey sis."😄 I had never hated the sound of the alarm like I did that morning.

What's funny? Okay not really funny at all. Rather tragic. Super tragic. I don't even know anymore but my sweet dreams never come to a full, fuller, fullest happy ending. They always put a quick and great halt, right before "Happily ever after." But the bad ones? Huh! Huh! They go to the end. To the very most painful details. I feel they could go further if they had the ability to.😄 (I imagine what life could have been without dreams though. Personally, I feel like they make me feel something even when the robotic side loudly bids me to draw near. Thanks dreams.)

So they call this life? Huh! I can only imagine. It's what it thinks it's. LIFE!

Yours truly, 

Mwango.